SO IT’S TIME FOR A TEST WITH 200 FUN QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR SPOUSE.
This post is an excerpt from my bookWHEN HE A KEEPER (BUT YOU FEEL LIKE THROWING HIM AWAY).It focuses on the importance of getting to know your partner well, because trust me, some people live with their loved ones for years without ever digging deep.
JUST HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER?
I think it’s presumptuous to assume because you are married to someone you know everything about them. You may think you know your partner well – after all couples take a crash course in Partner’s Basic Personality 101 when they begin to live together. But one would be foolish to presume what is presented at home constitutes every facet of their partner’s personality.
That’s another important tip from me:
Don’t assume you know everything about your partner. Only cocky people assume they know everything!
Trust me; you don’t know everything; like nobody will ever know EVERYTHING about you. If someone did assume they knew every single detail about your life, I am pretty sure you would find something to prove them wrong.
Socrates said it best when he said:
All I know is that I know nothing.
Remember humans are complex, multi-faceted creatures who sometimes behave differently according to the company they keep.
That isn’t to say your partner isn’t being authentic when he is being super professional at work, laidback at home and bubbly and funny with friends. It shows how different situations draw out different qualities in some people.
I’m sure you are the same. The way you behave at home isn’t always the way you behave at work, with friends, strangers or other family members. As we get older we do get better at accepting, bringing together and displaying all our little nuances and quirks.
But for the most part we are much deeper personalities than initially observed. We have an inner world that is as rich and influential as our outer world.
Below is a list of 200 questions which you are welcome to share with your partner.
Alternatively you can download our free 28 page printable below, which allows you and your partner the space to write down your answers on paper. I recommend printing out two copies and taking your time with this exercise. It will ultimately be so valuable for both you as an individual and as a couple.
These questions present an opportunity for you to not only learn more about yourself (because you are obviously going to take a peek at them first) but also more about others.
If you like you can test yourself to see if you are a smarty-pants who knows her partner inside out. I’m guessing there will be a few questions from the list that are going to stump you. And that’s the point.
They are here to make both you and your partner think.
Use them at your own discretion and be prepared for a few surprises. I know I experienced some…
1 What was your first impression of me?
2 What’s your idea of a truly romantic evening?
3 If you could change three things about me what would they be?
4 If you could change three things about yourself what would they be?
5 What is your dream profession?
6 What is your dream place to visit?
7 Who is your dream celebrity to meet?
8 What are your three favorite body parts on me and why?
9 What is your favorite movie of all time?
10 Who is your favorite actor?
11 Who is your favorite actress?
12 What is your favorite fruit and favorite vegetable?
13 Tell me who is your favorite aunt and uncle and why?
14 Tell me who is your favorite cousin and why?
15 What is the first memory you have?
16 What is your earliest happy memory?
17 What is your earliest scary memory?
18 Who was your first crush and what was appealing about him or her?
19 Who was your first date and where did you go?
20 How have you coped with break-ups in the past?
21 Have you ever had a recurring dream? If so describe it to me.
22 Do you have any nightmares? If so what happens in them?
23 Do you remember any dreams you had as a kid?
24 What was your favorite TV show as a kid?
25 Who was your favorite singer as a kid?
26 What is the best decision you ever made?
27 What is your biggest regret?
28 What do you think makes a successful person successful?
29 If you won the lotto what are the first three things you would buy?
30 If you won the lotto would you continue working?
31 If your house was on fire and you could only take five things before leaving what would they be?
32 Tell me about your proudest moment.
33 Tell me about your most embarrassing moment.
34 Have I ever embarrassed you?
35 Who is your best friend and why?
36 Who is your worst friend and why?
37 Do you believe in ghosts?
38 Do you believe in heaven? Or in hell?
39 Do you believe in afterlife?
40 What is your favorite sweet food?
41 What is your favorite savory food?
42 What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
43 How do you know when I am happy?
44 How do you know when I am angry?
45 If you could steal the wardrobe of any celebrity who would it be?
46 Can you remember your parents having any fights? If so what were they about?
47 Who are you closer to – your mom or your dad? Why?
48 Describe your parent’s marriage to me. What were the best parts and the worst bits about it?
49 What is your favorite sexual fantasy?
50 What is your all time favorite song?
51 What is your all time favorite book?
52 If a genie granted you three magic wishes, what would they be?
53 What upsets you most in our relationship?
54 What makes you feel happiest in our relationship?
55 How do think people perceive you? Do you think this perception is accurate?
56 Can you think of anything you wished for as a kid but were denied? What was it?
57 Do you have any needs that are not being met in your life? What can I do to meet those needs?
58 What is the most important thing money can do for you?
59 Who had control of the money when you were growing up?
60 Who do you feel responsible for in life?
61 When did you have your first kiss?
62 When did you lose your virginity?
63 How often do you think it’s normal to have sex?
64 Who taught you about the “birds and the bees? How old were you then?
65 How do you define love?
66 Have you ever questioned the existence of love?
67 When you talk about me to others what do you say?
68 When a conflict arises how do you react?
69 Does your family have any secrets it refuses to talk about?
70 What are you most ashamed of and why?
71 If you had one day left to live what would you do?
72 If you died today what would you want your final arrangements to be?
73 Do you feel you had enough education?
74 If you could go back to university what would you study?
75 If you found someone’s wallet what would you do with it?
76 If you found $1000 in an envelope what would you do with it?
77 If you gave money to charities which ones would you choose and why?
78 If you were in trouble who would you go to for advice?
79 What is the biggest obstacle you have faced in life? How did you overcome it?
80 If you could go back in time what period in history would you like to visit?
81 If you could go back in time what period of your own life would you like to revisit?
82 Who was the first important person who died in your life and how did you feel?
83 What animals do you like?
84 What animals don’t you like?
85 What is your favorite age to be and why?
86 If you could ask me one question what would it be?
87 Do you think men love differently than women?
88 When did you first realize you loved me?
89 What is the most important thing in your life and why?
90 How would you describe your moral values?
91 How do you think you teach children moral values?
92 Did you have any pets whilst growing up and if so, which was your favorite?
93 Is it ever acceptable to keep a secret and why?
94 What is the thing you fear the most?
95 What did you think the first time you met my mother and father?
96 What is most important in a marriage to you?
97 Have you ever stolen anything? If so, what was it?
98 Who do you believe is the dominant one in our relationship and why?
99 Do you masturbate and if so how often?
100 What is your favorite color?
101 What is your favorite drink?
102 What was your favorite subject back at school?
103 Where do you see yourself in five years?
104 Where do you see yourself in ten years?
105 Who is the person who has influenced your life the most?
106 What kinds of movies do you enjoy and why?
107 What kinds of sports do you enjoy and why?
108 What is the best gift you have ever gotten?
109 What is the craziest gift you have ever gotten?
110 If you had to describe yourself in three words what would they be?
111 If you had to describe me in three words what would they be?
112 If you could go back into time, what would you change?
113 Do you have any bad habits?
114 Are you a positive or negative person?
115 What makes you feel sad?
116 How do you feel about porn?
117 How much sleep do you need?
118 What are your strengths?
119 What are your weaknesses?
120 How do you think love should be shown?
121 Name one thing I do that makes you feel loved.
122 Name one thing I do that makes you feel unloved.
123 What do you enjoy doing with me?
124 How much time do you think couples should spend together?
125 What makes you feel secure in life?
126 What makes you feel insecure in life?
127 What have been your biggest struggles in life?
128 What can I do to help you with these struggles?
129 When was the last time you yelled at someone? Why? Did you later regret it?
130 What do you seek in a friend that you neither expect nor want in a lover?
131 When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate or embellish it? If so, why?
132 How much do you feel you are in control of your life?
133 If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness what sort of insights do you think you would have about your life?
134 Would you like to be famous? For what and why?
135 Would you rather play a game with someone more talented or less talented than you? Why?
136 How would you like to be remembered after you die?
137 What would you like said at your funeral? Whom would you like to speak?
138 Is there something you still wish to achieve in your life? Why haven’t you done it?
139 Do you have any compulsive habits? Have you ever tried to break them?
140 What did you learn as a child that has proven to be most valuable in your life?
141 Would you defend a person if they were being unfairly belittled by other people?
142 If you could take a one-month holiday to anywhere in the world and money was not a consideration where would you go and what would you do? Who would you most like to go with?
143 Have you ever considered suicide? What is so important to you that without it your life would not be worth living?
144 If you had the option to find out what friends and acquaintances REALLY think of you, would you want to know? Do you think they would all agree with one another about the type of person you are?
145 How much energy do you spend doing things to favorably impress other people? If you were unconcerned about what other people think, what sort of things might you do differently?
146 If you could wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so? Whom would you pick?
147 Do you believe in any sort of God? If not do you think you might still pray if you were in a life-threatening situation?
148 Who is the most important person in your life? What could you do to improve the relationship? Are you willing to do it?
149 If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
150 In what ways will you treat your children differently from the way you were treated?
151 Do you believe in aliens? Or life in outer space?
152 Do you find it easy or difficult to say no to favors? If so why?
153 Would you be willing to go swimming at a nude beach?
154 How much do you like your own body?
155 What if anything is too serious to be joked about?
156 What do you value most in a relationship?
157 If your friend has a noticeable self-destructive behavior but is unaware of it would you point it out to them?
158 If there was a public execution on TV, would you watch it?
159 If you wanted to look attractive, how would you dress?
160 What constitutes a perfect evening to you?
161 Whom do you admire most? How does that person inspire you?
162 Would you be willing to murder an innocent person if it meant ending hunger in the world?
163 What things are too personal to discuss with others?
164 Would you prefer to be blind, deaf, dumb or paralyzed?
165 Which of your current friends do you feel will still be important to you ten years from now?
166 For $1,000,000 would you be willing to never see or talk to your best friend again?
167 What do you like best about your life?
168 What do you like least about your life?
169 If you decided to do something but everyone begged you not to, would you still do it anything?
170 Can you be counted on to do what you say you will do?
171 What does it take for you to trust someone?
172 What would you never be willing to sacrifice?
173 If you could project yourself into the future and not return, would you do so? How far would you go?
174 How much influence do you feel you have on the people around you?
175 Can you think of someone you met who, over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?
176 Would you prefer to be overdressed or underdressed at a party?
177 What has being your biggest disappointment in life?
178 What has being your biggest failure?
179 What kinds of things do you usually talk about with other people?
180 Relative to the population at large, how do you rate your physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?
181 Have you ever experimented with drugs?
182 If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about any one thing you wish to know (about your future, life or anything else) what would you ask?
183 If you were guaranteed honest answers to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?
184 What is the most embarrassing thing you can imagine happening to someone?
185 Would you care if you looked silly in front of strangers?
186 You discover your beautiful child is in fact not yours, due to a mix-up at the hospital. Would you want to exchange the child to correct the mistake?
186 Do you think the world will be a better or worse place in 100 years from now?
187 If you could invite any six guests, alive or deceased, to a dinner party who would they be?
188 If you could choose how to die, how would it happen?
189 What would make you feel betrayed by your partner?
190 Do you feel you have enough time? How has your attitude towards time changed as you have gotten older?
191 What kind of people do you like to spend time with? What can people learn by looking at your friends?
192 Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the country and never set foot in it again?
193 When was the last time you cried? What was the reason why?
194 Would you seek revenge if someone hurt a friend of yours? How about a family member or your child?
195 How do your feelings about death influence the way you live your life?
196 If you saw someone stealing something, what would you do about it?
197 If you saw someone hurting a child, what would you do about it?
199 Would you in general stop to help someone in need?
200 In conversations do you tend to talk more or listen?
Make the time to get to know your partner better and you may discover that there are in fact many more reasons to love him or her than previously believed.
If you enjoyed these questions and would like a beautifully designed 28 page printable to record you or your partner’s answers please feel to grab a copy below.
For more information on how you can strengthen your relationship with your partner, even when you feel like it isn’t working out so great, check out my book WHEN HE’S A KEEPER(BUT YOU FEEL LIKE THROWING HIM AWAY)