If you are looking for advice on HOW TO STOP BEING SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME then you have come to the right place
Here’s what you need to know:
Angry Mom often = Angry Kids
Your Ultimate Goal:
Control your Anger, Don’t let it Control You
Ah anger. It really is one of the ugliest emotions around!
As a parent, anger can be a paralyzing and debilitating condition.
But it can be an even more terrifying and degrading experience for your child if you’re taking your anger out on them.
Physical and verbal abuse of a child can have lasting and lethal implications, so it’s crucial that as a parent, you do whatever necessary to get your anger in check.
Are you in control of your anger or is anger in control of you?
As a parent, you have a wonderful opportunity to undo the wrongs that were done to you as a child if you had an angry and abusive parent or parents.
It can be very soul-healing when you get to the heart of your anger issues and demonstrate that you know where your troubles lie are and feel inspired to fix them.
So let’s start at the beginning. Why are you feeling so angry all the time?
Was anger a common emotion expressed in your childhood?
Were your own parents good at controlling their negative emotions?
Were they quick or slow to react?
Perhaps your past is filled with unresolved hurt and anger.
If so, take the necessary steps to heal yourself.
If you don’t, you could unwillingly and unthinkingly harm your child.
Studies have shown that children whose mothers often express anger are more likely to be difficult to discipline in an effective manner.
So how does an angry mom begin to control her anger?
Well for starters you will need to identify problems from your past and honestly look at current situations that are angering you.
Maybe you aren’t fulfilled at work; perhaps your spouse and you are having relationship troubles, maybe you have other personal issues or unfulfilled goals that are bothering you.
If all your child ever sees is your angry face and hears an angry voice, that’s what they’ll most likely grow into as well.
It’s important to ‘pick your battles’ when parenting.
Accidents and annoying quirks don’t warrant the energy and agony it takes to get angry.
You will probably have to continually remind yourself that the small stuff isn’t worth getting worked up over.
Remind yourself also that you’re the one in control of your anger; don’t let your anger control you.
Put yourself in time out, take a deep breath, walk away, do whatever you have to in order to get a grip on yourself before addressing the situation if you feel your anger coming on strong.
Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier
Do your children know what is expected of them?
Are your expectations clear and fair?
Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child.
Setting clear expectations regarding what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t is imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong.
If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides.
Don’t be a hypocrite.
Don’t go back and forth between different rules.
You need to be super clear about your expectations in your home.
Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed.
Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline.
Rules regarding your child’s safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced.
You need to keep your kids safe!
You need to keep your kids protected from harm!
You need to ensure your kids are physically and emotionally healthy.
Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon.
If necessary, make a contract between parent and child.
Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.
For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned.
The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.
Explain to your children why rules have been set in place.
All children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t.
It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.
Consistency is Key to Successful Discipline
Consistency is key to successfully teaching your child right from wrong when disciplining them.
It keeps small misdeeds and bad behaviors from later becoming bigger misdeeds and worse behaviors.
You have to stand firm and mean it when you say, “Turn off the television now”or “no dessert after dinner because you didn’t touch your dinner.”
It pays to be consistent.
Consistency teaches your child there are defined consequences for misdeeds and inappropriate or unacceptable actions or behaviors.
Inconsistency when disciplining makes you directly responsible for your children’s misbehavior and doesn’t teach them how to be responsible for their actions.
It’s also that each partner is consistent with the discipline.
If one parent is too strict and the other is too lenient, the child will key into that and try to manipulate the situation to his or her advantage.
Parents must agree on disciplinary action in advance and make a commitment to one another to be consistent in implementing and following through with the consequences.
This can be especially difficult if the child’s parents are separated or divorced.
Though you may not be together anymore, it’s imperative that you parent on common ground.
Openly and honestly discuss these parameters with your former spouse and your child in advance, so that if discipline is needed, the consequences of such misbehavior are well understood in advance.
Any disagreements between parents should be discussed out of the child’s earshot.
So what does being consistent involve?
Consistency is about being strong and standing firm, even when doing so is extremely difficult or exhausting.
It can sometimes be hard to come home after a hard day at work only to find a hard night of parenting in front of you.
Your child will consistently test the boundaries and ‘push the envelope’ with you to see if there’s any play in those consequences.
By standing firm you are showing there is not and that you expect them to do nothing less than take responsibility for their actions.
Harsh Discipline: Does It Do More Harm than Good?
Once upon a time spanking was the norm and teachers tended to discipline their kids much harsher than was necessary.
Spare the rod, spoil the child, was their way of thinking.
The world has changed a lot since then.
Studies have shown since then that severe punishments are not only unnecessary but they do more harm than good to the child.
It’s imperative that parents recognize their tendency to punish a child too severely and take the needed steps to make sure the punishment is appropriate for their child’s age, temperament and maturity level.
Are you feeling stressed?
Do you require outside help?
Do you sometimes lose control?
If you need help, seek it.
If you feel stressed, seek inner peace and explore stress-reducing strategies.
If you lose control, look at your options to regain it and stay in control.
It’s also important for a parent to realize that children thrive on praise.
Parents in such a situation may always jump to discipline but fail to praise their child for their good deeds, behaviors and traits.
Children instinctively want to please their parents and make them proud.
By encouraging positive behavior, the parent will most likely discourage the behavior that has driven them in the past to punish too harshly.
In order to encourage positive behavior deserving of praise, parents might want to consider giving their child a task they know they’re able to accomplish, and praise their efforts along the way.
Don’t always look for the bad in your child, look for the good!
Are you always catching them doing something wrong and ignoring what they are doing right?
Remember you can catch more flies with honey instead of vinegar.
Parents need to consistently praise their children for the positive traits they possess.
Their child might be good at math in school, helpful to their little brother or sister, or is good at drawing pictures.
Praise these good traits and the child is likely to respond by acting appropriately and behaving positively in order to gain more praise.
In the end, it’s important to remember that a child is just that – a child.
Sure one day they will be adults but they are still in the stages of learning and growing.
Are they growing up with love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness or constant anger, fighting and a feeling of resentment?
Are you feeling connected or disconnected from your children?
A parent should make a concerted effort to make sure the discipline is appropriate and take care of themselves physically, mentally and emotionally so they can optimally provide for their child’s physical and emotional well-being.
Take care of yourself first and it will be easier for you to take care of others.
Calm mom usually equals calmer children so do what you need to do to embrace a sense of inner peace.
In the meantime take note of these quotes on anger:
Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing but can destroy everything.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die – Buddha
If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful?
Hold your words when you are angry because sometimes words spoken in anger leave a scar that can never be healed.
For every minute you remain angry you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind – Ralph Waldo Emerson