If you are looking for the best collection of jokes for kids then you have come to the right place!
It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine and what better daily medicine than to hear a hilarious joke.
Here are a few home truths:
Laughter is an instant vacation and a day without laughter is a day wasted.
You can create a spirit of joy in your home by introducing a spring of playfulness and happiness.
Not only will the following 200 jokes for kids encourage your child to have a giggle, you both will rediscover another infinitely more important lesson:
Life is so much better when spent laughing.
So without further ado, here’s a collection of the 200 very best, most epic and hilarious jokes for kids:
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
ANSWER: It kept getting stuck in the cracks.
How do you tell a boy snowman apart from a girl snowman?
Which is the only way a leopard can change his spots?
ANSWER: By going from one spot to another.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What is the worst vegetable to have on a ship?
ANSWER: A leek.
What do you call a fly without wings?
ANSWER: A walk.
Why did the belt go to jail?
ANSWER: For holding up a pair of pants.
How do football players stay cool during games?
ANSWER: They stand next to the fans.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
ANSWER: I’ll meet you at the corner.
What do you call it when your parachute doesn’t open?
ANSWER: Jumping to a conclusion.
What does a book do in the winter?
ANSWER: Puts on a jacket.
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
ANSWER: Nothing, it just shuts up.
Why did the pony cough?
ANSWER: He was a little horse.
Why did the man run around his bed?
ANSWER: Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep.
Why was the football coach upset with the candy machine?
ANSWER: He wanted his quarter back
Why is a bubble like a bruise?
ANSWER: Because it comes from a blow.
What did zero say to eight?
ANSWER: Nice belt!
Why is a dirty rug like a bad boy?
ANSWER: Both need beating.
Where do polar bears go to vote?
ANSWER: The North Poll
What do you call an old snowman?
What animals would be the best at playing video games?
ANSWER: An octopus.
What is the easiest way to double your money?
ANSWER: Use a mirror
What did one toilet say to the other?
ANSWER: You look flushed.
If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?
ANSWER: Hiss and Hers.
Why are ghosts’ bad liars?
ANSWER: Because you can see right through them.
Why do bees hum?
ANSWER: Cause they do not know the words
What building has the most stories?
ANSWER: The library.
What is the saddest fruit in the world?
What do you call a sleeping bull?
ANSWER: A bulldozer.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
ANSWER: He had no body to dance with.
What gets wetter the more it dries?
ANSWER: A towel.
What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
ANSWER: You can count on me.
Where do fish keep their money?
ANSWER: The riverbank
What did the nose say to the finger?
ANSWER: Quit picking on me.
Why did the doctor switch jobs?
ANSWER: He lost his patients.
How do you make a tissue dance?
ANSWER: You put a little boogie in it.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
ANSWER: Right where you left him.
What room in your house do ghosts avoid?
ANSWER: The living room
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
ANSWER: A stick
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
ANSWER: Bugs Bunny
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
ANSWER: It waves.
What’s the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
ANSWER: Getting lost.
What moves faster: heat or cold?
ANSWER: Heat because you can always catch a cold.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
ANSWER: A carrot
When is a man like a snake?
ANSWER: When he gets rattled.
How many animals did Moses take on the ark?
ANSWER: Moses didn’t take anything on the ark. Noah did.
What kind of dress can never be worn?
ANSWER: An address
How can a girl go 25 days without sleep?
ANSWER: She sleeps at night.
What cup can you never drink out of?
ANSWER: A hiccup
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
ANSWER: A palm tree.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
ANSWER: You never see rabbits wearing glasses.
Why did the tomato turn red?
ANSWER: Because he saw the salad dressing.
How do you spell hard water with only three letters?
What word is always spelt incorrectly?
Why did the bird go to the hospital?
ANSWER: To get tweetment.
Why did the student eat his homework?
ANSWER: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
Why did the picture go to jail?
ANSWER: It was framed.
What bow can’t be tied?
ANSWER: A rainbow
Who always enjoys poor health?
ANSWER: A doctor.
What has four eyes but can’t see?
What jam can you not eat?
ANSWER: A traffic jam
Where does Friday always come before Thursday?
ANSWER: In a dictionary
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
ANSWER: Eleven – T-h-e A-l-p-h-a-b-e-t
What do tigers have that no other animal can have?
ANSWER: Baby tigers
What starts working only after it has been fired?
ANSWER: A rocket
What kind of coat can you put on only when it’s wet?
ANSWER: A coat of paint
What can jump higher than a house?
ANSWER: Anything because houses can’t jump.
What sort of star is dangerous?
ANSWER: A shooting star.
What’s as big as a giant but weighs zero kilos?
ANSWER: A giant’s shadow
What has one head, one foot and four legs?
ANSWER: A bed.
How many months have 28 days?
ANSWER: All 12 months.
What two keys can’t open any door?
ANSWER: A monkey and a donkey.
Which tire does not move when a car turns right?
ANSWER: The spare tire
Why do bees have sticky hair?
ANSWER: Because they use honeycombs.
How do trees get onto the internet?
ANSWER: They log on
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
ANSWER: Your teeth
Why did the girl sit on her watch?
ANSWER: She wanted to be on time
Why was the math book sad?
ANSWER: Because it has too many problems.
What’s the easiest way to find a lost pin in your carpet?
ANSWER: Walk around in bare feet.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
ANSWER: You’re too young to be smoking
Why did the old man fall in the well?
ANSWER: Because he couldn’t see that well.
What time do most people go to the dentist?
ANSWER: At tooth-hurty.
What did the waterfall say to the fountain?
ANSWER: You’re just a little squirt.
Why did E.T have such big eyes?
ANSWER: Because he saw the phone bill.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
ANSWER: Because she was stuffed.
What’s the easiest way to get a day off school?
ANSWER: Wait until Saturday
What’s the easiest way to get on TV?
ANSWER: Sit on it.
What has hands but can’t clap?
ANSWER: A clock.
What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
ANSWER: A spelling bee.
What did the spider’s bride wear to her wedding?
ANSWER: A webbing dress.
Why did the man run around his bed?
ANSWER: He was trying to catch up on sleep.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
ANSWER: They have two left feet.
When is the moon the heaviest?
ANSWER: When it’s full.
What did the blanket say to the bed?
ANSWER: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
Why did they quit giving tests at the zoo?
ANSWER: Because it was full of cheetahs.
What are the strongest days of the week?
ANSWER: Saturday and Sunday – the others are weekdays.
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
ANSWER: He was peeling really bad.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
ANSWER: Because it was feeling green.
Why did the teacher have to visit the eye specialist?
ANSWER: She just couldn’t control her pupils.
What did the cheerleader say to the ghost?
ANSWER: Show your spirit.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
ANSWER: You rocket.
What did the tree say to the wind?
ANSWER: Leaf me alone.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher?
ANSWER: Lots of blood tests.
Why did the jelly baby go to school?
ANSWER: Because he really wanted to be a smartie.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
ANSWER: A chicken sees a salad.
What’s brown and sticky?
ANSWER: A stick.
Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
ANSWER: Because it had ticks.
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
ANSWER: To make up for his terrible summer.
Where can you learn how to make ice cream?
ANSWER: At Sundae school.
What did one eye say to the other?
ANSWER: Between you and me something smells.
What do you give a sick lemon?
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Why did the girl put lipstick on her head?
ANSWER: Because she wanted to make up her mind.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
ANSWER: He didn’t have any guts.
What time do ducks get up?
ANSWER: At the quack of dawn.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
ANSWER: Because it had a virus.
What did the duck say to the clown?
ANSWER: You quack me up.
Why was the clown crying?
ANSWER: Because he broke his funny bone.
Why is the number 6 afraid of the number 7?
ANSWER: Because seven eight nine.
How do you stop a bull from charging?
ANSWER: Cancel its credit card.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
ANSWER: Pork Chop.
What does a skeleton order for dinner?
ANSWER: Spare ribs.
Why did the dog go so well at school?
ANSWER: Because he was the teacher’s pet.
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
ANSWER: Because he was sitting the deck.
What do you call a three-legged donkey?
ANSWER: A wonkey.
Why was the sand wet?
ANSWER: Because the sea weed.
What do you call a thieving alligator?
ANSWER: A crookodile.
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife fall asleep?
ANSWER: Because of his coffin.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
ANSWER: Because she will let it go.
What monster is the best dance partner?
ANSWER: The Boogie man.
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
ANSWER: I’m stuck on you.
What did one penny say to the other penny?
ANSWER: We make cents.
What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
ANSWER: A gummy bear.
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
ANSWER: So they can fight knights.
Why did Santa go to music school?
ANSWER: So he could improve his wrapping skills.
What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
What is a crocodile’s favorite game?
What do you call a fake noodle?
ANSWER: An im=pasta.
What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
ANSWER: A bat.
Why is the grass so dangerous?
ANSWER: Because it’s full of blades.
What goes tick-tock and woof-woof?
ANSWER: A watchdog.
What did the hat say to the scarf?
ANSWER: You hang around and I’ll go ahead.
Why is a calendar so popular?
ANSWER: Because it has a lot of dates.
How did the hairdresser win the race?
ANSWER: She knew a shortcut.
What gives you the power to walk through a wall?
ANSWER: A door.
Why don’t dinosaurs eat clowns?
ANSWER: Because they taste funny.
How does a dog stop a movie?
ANSWER: He presses paws.
What is the best season to jump on a trampoline?
ANSWER: Spring time.
What kind of bees make milk?
What is a snake’s favorite subject?
Where do sharks come from?
What do you call a wizard from space?
ANSWER: A flying sorcerer.
Why did the girl throw a stick of butter?
ANSWER: She wanted to see a butter fly.
Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
ANSWER: They woke him up.
Why kind of pants do clouds wear?
Why are leprechauns such great gardeners?
ANSWER: They have green fingers.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
ANSWER: Freeze, you’re under a vest.
Why can’t an elephant use a computer?
ANSWER: Because it’s afraid of the mouse.
Why did the kid cross the playground?
ANSWER: To get to the other slide.
What do you call a blind deer?
ANSWER: No eye deer.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
ANSWER: A soccer match.
What is a Martian’s favorite food?
What did the tree wear to the pool party?
ANSWER: Swimming trunks.
Why do you call a rich elf?
What did the monster put on his ice cream?
ANSWER: Whipped scream.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs?
ANSWER: Because you might step in a poodle.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
ANSWER: Dinner’s on me.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
What’s the difference between a teacher and a book?
ANSWER: You can shut a book up.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
ANSWER: A penguin in a washing machine.
Want me to tell you a joke about pizza?
ANSWER: Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
What do you call a smart group of trees?
ANSWER: A brainforest.
Why did the sun go to school?
ANSWER: To get brighter.
What did the square say to the oval?
ANSWER: You’re totally pointless.
What did the duck say to the bartender?
ANSWER: Put it on my bill.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
ANSWER: Because he was outstanding in the field.
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
ANSWER: He wanted to go to high school.
What do stars love to read at night?
ANSWER: Comet books.
Who is the king of the class?
ANSWER: The ruler.
What washes up on little beaches?
How do you cut a wave in half?
ANSWER: You use a sea saw.
Why did Mickey Mouse take a vacation in space?
ANSWER: To visit his friend Pluto.
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
ANSWER: Look no hands, grandpa!
What did Earth say to Saturn?
ANSWER: Please give me a ring.
What kind of dogs like car racing?
ANSWER: Lap dogs.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
ANSWER: A cloud.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
ANSWER: Because they take too long to iron.
Why was the broom late?
ANSWER: It overswept.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
ANSWER: Just act like a nut.
Why shouldn’t write with a broken pencil?
ANSWER: Because it’s pointless.
What kind of button won’t unbutton?
ANSWER: A bellybutton.
What kind of hair does the ocean have?
Why can’t you trust atoms?
ANSWER: They make up everything.
What’s a spider’s favorite thing to do on a computer?
ANSWER: Make websites.
Why did Billy go out with a prune?
ANSWER: Because he couldn’t find a date.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
ANSWER: Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
What do you call a pair of bananas?